So, the best way I can describe being a full-time, freelance artist is like having this burning need to climb a treacherous mountain (because WHY?!), one that never seems to really have a top (again, WHY?!), so you start to climb, but you need to be careful to make sure your legs are never too far apart from each other, or else you'll fall. One leg is the creative, fun, artsy-fartsy side, and the other leg is the serious, professional, business-minded side. You can alternate little baby steps, one side, then the other, or you can all of a sudden take a GIANT step with one leg, but you'll be forced to use the other leg next to make up the difference--you literally can't get too far with one leg without the help of the other.
And that's my life.
I can plan, design, shoot, and edit all I want, but it won't go anywhere without strategy or marketing. Likewise, I can't sell myself without new material to show off. So, like so many other creatives, I'm in a constant battle of marketing vs. creating. (Two enter! One leaves!)
Sometimes, the direction is pretty obvious--I have something to show off, or a very clear idea idea in my head of what I want to produce, which will lead to having something to show off, or I'm planning some business-related travel. But sometimes, like now, I could really go either way. As I was a child of the 90s, I'll let this screen-grab of the epic(-ally campy) computer game Treasure Mountain explain my current mental state:
Oh look, there's that climbing metaphor again, but at least there's a jaunty cap.
I could go with the creative route, or I could go with the marketing route, but I need to decide something, or else, like the funky mountaineering....elf (?), I'll be frozen in the middle. Which is kind of where I am right now.
The radio silence isn't from a lack of direction, it's from knowing there are too many directions. But there are things in the works. Really.